i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
