When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
