I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
