using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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