Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
