So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
