I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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