Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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