oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
