He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
