Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
