I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
cat food counts as protein by the way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
