Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
