Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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