why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
