is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
