I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize