I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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