i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
