Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
