listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
