Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
