bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
