At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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