I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
