we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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