so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
