Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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