I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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