i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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