Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
