she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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