drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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