she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He did a backflip because drugs
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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