last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
