Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
