The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
4 words: hood of his car
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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