I wish I could teleport
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
