A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
