He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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