a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
