I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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