Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
