This girl is more easily done than said...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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