This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize