I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
