Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
