I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
