when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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