I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
