We're facebook friends in real life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
