Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
