sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
