btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize