you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
