is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
