i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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