i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
