so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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