she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had sex on a roof
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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