420 ftw
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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