What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
