i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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