I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Of course I have a pirate flag
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
