If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
