Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
