someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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