this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
