at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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