So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
