I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
