I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
