Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
