dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
