Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
