sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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