A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
