hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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