just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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