YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
