Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
