We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
