Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
