Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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