I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
