Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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