Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize