hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
do nipples grow back?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
