so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
