im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
