in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
