Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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