Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
