Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God I need to hump something, right now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
