Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
