I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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