Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My cat gives me a boner
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
