I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
