JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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