Best friends brother. Beat that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
