i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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