guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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