Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
