there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
