k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
