apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
