my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
