every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
