OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
